Earth Day 1995

This is a typed out entry taken directly from my journal. No names, events or locations have been changed to protect anybody, most especially myself. I did call Jamie and make sure she was cool with it – and she is – fuck the rest of them. The entry begins in a childlike print of well formed letters in a black pen. When we get to

Austin

’s house it switches to a cursive scrawl in purple pen. When I enter the garage the writing switches back to black and when the music begins it becomes extremely jagged and erratic. The tense gets shifted and the point of view is sometimes outside and then inside the experience. Again, I changed none of it. It is typed as it was written. Enjoy!

 

4-22-95

 

Mushrooms – Saturday April 22, Earth Day –

Vista

, CA

(5 caps, 1 stem)

Delia tripped with, Jamie was our (sober) escort

 

=> IHOP on Sycamore. Delia and I drink em down with a cup of hot chocolate. Didn’t have to chew or even taste them much, it was much better that way. Enjoyed some French fries and orange juice – was a bit apprehensive waiting for it to begin.

 

We decided to go to

Thibido

Park

and be one with the grass and trees. Jamie drove. In the park is this big wooden structure you can climb with various platforms – sitting at the top platform is us. I was taking many pictures and trying to continuously convey to them exactly the way I was feeling and thinking about things – this was for asking them later.

 

In the mean time we figured out that is was Earth Day – which was a really cool moment. I smeared dirt on my face and we all decided to plant pot seeds. Delia went for a walk around to check out the park, but I was much too content to leave the structure. Besides, I didn’t really want to try and move around. So Jamie followed Delia and I sat alone with my brother and a notebook full of Jamie’s thoughts in my lap. The sun was peeking through the trees and I started to pay attention to it.

 

I was suddenly very aware of the areas of my skin that the sun was touching. The brilliant green leaves dancing around to give me glimpse of the sun were amazing. The sun and I were having a true moment together – something we’ve never done before and I’ve never particularly missed.

 

Jamie appeared again – seeming a bit troubled that I wanted to be alone and all. I explained about the sun as I was taking a deep look at it and then it all began to ooze at me. She reminded me that the sun will ooze at anyone if they look at it too long. Then Delia came back and they were hanging out on some rocks while I just watched.

 

Suddenly there was an urgency for Jamie to go back home – something about dinner with her parents. I did NOT want to leave – and I definitely did NOT want to go to her house – but somehow I was outvoted and then convinced to leave my position in the park. I wish I could’ve stayed there.

 

At Jamie’s parents we were a success – in and out – on our way…

 

Next stop –

Austin

’s house.

 

Buddy and I scoped the ants in the gutter – then checked out Daniel’s band via cross-legged in the driveway. That was a really good time – sitting in front of

Austin

’s garage door waiting for the music to begin – checking out his average track home neighborhood – having a moment with Buddy.

 

Someone opened the garage door – no, no, no – I want to be out here in the driveway, it’s good – thanks anyway. The garage door shuts again and seals the music box. I look to the left, a few kids playing – I look to the right, quiet peaceful neighborhood. I’m sitting next to a mini-van or something.

 

Wham! What the hell was that? Oh-it’s music-hey it’s pretty good music – and it’s coming from inside the big music box right in front of me. Wow – what a miracle. They sound really good. I had expected something of a lesser standard, but this is really pretty good. Buddy smiles – he’s telling me, “I told you so” – and I have to apologize because I had figured they were just another cheesy garage band.

 

Now wait – what’s that other sound? That can’t possibly be Daniel singing. Didn’t someone say something about Daniel singing? Yeah, but that strong, crazy voice can’t be coming out of Daniel. Daniel? Wow – I wonder what it would be like to be in there – but I don’t want to do that, not yet. I like the mystery of the driveway.

 

I wonder what

Austin

’s parents think of all this. I mean, they pretty much live in the most disgustingly “normal” environment in the world.

 

Wow! Hey-more music. This is the best music in the world! Buddy agrees. So does the garage door. The garage door. The garage door is dancing! It’s swaying and grooving to the music. That’s so cool! I guess it can’t help it – all that music coming straight through it to me. That’s lovely…

 

Austin

’s neighborhood is filled with more colors than I’ve ever seen before in my life. Tract homes really aren’t so bad I guess – these ones are nice. Upp, music stopped. I stand up and shout, “Maybe you should let me in now!?”

 

Austin

the beautiful makes the music box open once again – and I immediately sit on his garage floor and stare at Daniel. I have got to see this for myself.

 

Oh my God….really loud music in my face….really loud….

 

Wow…..that is Daniel singing….I can’t understand the words but it sure is Daniel….

 

The music has arms and the arms have ribbons and the ribbons are rainbows in the colors of Daniels voice. They wrap all around me and Buddy.

 

I look over and Jamie is smiling her big shining grin at me. She is making my heart thump and so is the music. I don’t have glorious moments like this often enough in my life. I am in this now more completely than I can explain. Time can leave me here.

 

***Buddy the Bear is, in fact, a stuffed animal. I rescued him from Daniel's room and he traveled with me and amoung other friends for a few weeks in the Spring of 95. Buddy would tell me, years later, that it was the best days of his life. BTW, this is not an actual pic of Buddy. Until such time that Buddy can consulted and a proper photo release can be procurred, this representation will have to do.

 

 

Comments

[jenn]

I was so pregnant at that time and sick every single day. Avery had made his debut and I was many years away from forcing the trip.