My brother has a wonderful adage: "You have choices."
He uses it everytime I whine about some aspect of my life. My complaints are, more often than not, followed up by this simple statement, "You have choices, Lisa."
Most of the time I roll my eyes and snarl in my mind at this ridiculous notion. Because it doesn't feel like I have choices. It feels like I am trapped. Trapped by the previous choices. Trapped into a life where I have a lease to pay and retirement to save for and kids to take care of and all of the money, time, and sheer soulpower it takes to make those things happen. It's overwhelming. And when I stop to feel even the tinest bit sorry for myself he is there to tell me..."You have choices."
Of course, I don't have the ability to unmake the choice of being a Mom.
But everyday, I choose what kind of Mom I will be, and how much joy I will find in in to balance out the hard work that it takes, everyday, to feel like I'm doing it right.
If I'm not happy - that's a choice too. Why I would choose to not be happy may allude some, but I know I'm quite capable of making such a stupid choice.
And everything is just like that. Choices. Simple choices. Choosing to be good to yourself by not always choosing to be everything for everybody else. Choosing to spend your minutes differently so you can focus your light on something that brings you joy. Trusting in those choices.
And, most importantly of all - once the choice is made - don't whine about your choice!
You wanted to have kids.
You wanted to work here.
You wanted to be single.
This is the part I hate most of all. Because he is right. The time sucking, patience testing, nerve rattling chaosfest life of mine is by my own design. I made these choices. I wanted those things. So, suck it up, Lisa.
It's simple. When considering a choice, count the cost. Is it worth it? Becuase it is or it's not. Make your choice, knowing the price you've agreed to pay. Pay the cost. And shut up about it. Because the choice is made - no going back now - no refunds or exchanges on the buckets of tears and hours of your life you will never get back. Suck up whatever price comes with your choices (which always seems to cost more than previously advertised, right?) And live with it.
Or...make a new choice.
Which, of course, comes with a whole new set of associated costs.
Either way, you've got choices.
My brother turns out to be incredibly wise. Something perhaps that he has yet to see in himself clearly, even though I've known it for years. He tends to focus on his flaws. Don't we all?
Today, I'm making a different choice.
And, come what may, I will try not to whine.
Awesome awesome post. Thank You!
Posted by: Mark | September 07, 2010 at 04:23 AM